He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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