shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
