Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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