I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
