OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
