My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
