i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
