Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
