my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
