wrigley field is MILF paradise
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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