sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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