I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ππΌ
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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