Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
