Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
