Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
