Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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