do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
