a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
