Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
