this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
