She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
