none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
