i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
