When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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