i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
