You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
