I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
