Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
