Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
