I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
