i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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