he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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