I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
