I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
