I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
