I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
