This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
