He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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