I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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