I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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