It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
