So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
