Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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