Christians are straight up FREAKS
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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