If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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