dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
