I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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