It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
