Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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