Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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