Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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