He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
