Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
