You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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