Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
