i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
