It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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