My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
