you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
