wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
