It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
