i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
