im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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