he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize