i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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