I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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