either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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