i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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