We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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