People in love make me want to vomit
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
