I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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