Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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